Posts Tagged ‘ Life Lessons ’

Great Questions

One thing that I have learned over the past few years is that asking the right questions is a vital part of leadership.  Great leaders ask great questions.  If you want to be a great parent you need to learn to ask the right questions.  If you want to have a great marriage you must learn to ask the right questions.  If you want to be a great business leader you must learn to ask the right questions.  If you want to handle money wisely you must learn to ask the right questions.

I am convinced that in so many areas of our lives we are simply asking the wrong questions.  And common sense tells us that if we are asking the wrong questions, there is no way that we will ever arrive at the right answers.

With that being said, I would like to share with you what I believe are a few great questions.

1.) Where is this heading? We make the mistake of judging the health of a relationship by where it is right now.  But the truth is, you never judge the health of a relationship by where it is now, but rather by the direction it is heading.  All relationships are heading somewhere.  Your marriage is heading somewhere.  Your relationship with your teenager is heading somewhere.  Your relationship with God is heading somewhere.  This not only applies to relationships.  It also applies to your finances.  What direction are your finances heading.  The bible says, “the prudent (wise) see danger and take refuge, but the simple (unwise) keep going and suffer for it”. That means that we should look ahead and act before all of your options become bad options.

2.) What’s in my heart? From an early age we are taught to monitor our behavior.  Remember your mom saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”.  It is all about behavior modification.  Jesus, on the other hand, said to “guard your heart”.  Jesus said, “out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks”. What is in our heart is affecting all of our relationships and all of our decisions. If we simply go through life trying to filter what we say and do, we will never deal with the root of our problem.  It’s like cutting off a weed at ground level.  It is a temporary solution.  You must kill the root of the weed or it will just keep growing back.  In the same way, we must deal with our heart and not simply our behavior.  What’s in your heart today? Greed, Anger, Lust, Jealousy, Worry, etc…

3.) Am I part of the problem or part of the solution? We like to blame other people.  It is always someone else’s fault.  The thought rarely crosses our mind that “we might be apart of the problem”. Last year we saw a perfect example of this played out at Charles Henderson High School.  It was the first year that students were required to wear uniforms.  And needless to say there was a lot of drama the first few days of the school year.  There were several parents that showed up ranting and raving about their child being sent home or being sent to the office for not obeying the new dress code.  These same parents wonder why their child has problems obeying them.  Could it be that these same parents have unknowingly taught their children to rebel against authority because they themselves rebel against authority?  Could they be part of the problem?  Could you be partly to blame for the problems that you are currently complaining about?

2009
08/26
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Conflict

Patience and gentle talk can convince a ruler and overcome any problem. –Proverbs 25:15

If you are facing conflict today. Stop and gather your thoughts and prepare your heart to calmly and rationally discuss the situation. You will be amazed what will happen if you just take the time to pray and then tone your voice down a notch.

2009
04/22
CATEGORY
Communication
Drama
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Humility
Life
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Why Bad Things Happen to Smart People

An excerpt from “The Principle of the Path” by Andy Stanley

Not too long ago I was being interviewed by a national organization that does Christian events for men. One of the questions they asked me went something like this: “Reverend Stanley, what would you say to the husband and father who has not done a very good job managing his finances and because of the downturn in the economy finds himself in real financial trouble? What would you suggest someone in that situation do?” I said, “I have no idea.” At that point the interviewer asked the camera operator to pause for a moment.

He looked at me a bit bewildered. “No idea? You don’t have any advice to offer?” “No,” I said. Then I went on to explain that an economic downturn doesn’t so much cause problems as it reveals them.

Hard times reveal where we are (and where we aren’t) faster than anything else. The person who wrote the interview questions was looking for steps. A fix. A to-do list. But if a man chooses the path of financial irresponsibility, he will eventually arrive at an unenviable destination. An economic downturn just speeds up the trip.

What’s true financially is also true relationally, academically, spiritually, physically, and professionally. In the rearview mirror it becomes obvious that we are all following a path of some kind.

What we experience as unrelated, isolated events are really steps in a specific direction. And like every physical path you’ve ever ventured down, this path has a specific destination.

Now, if you can’t see this in your own life, I’m sure you can see it in others’ lives. When you meet people who have enviable lives financially or spiritually, isn’t it true that they always have stories to tell? When you start asking questions, don’t you always discover that where they are is the result of a sequence of decisions that formed the path that led them to where they are? And, of course, the opposite is true. When you meet someone whose life is less than enviable, his story usually reveals a pattern or path as well. And at some point in his story, you think, You should have seen that coming! You should have known where those decisions were going to take you. In other words, he should have been able to predict his current destination based on the path he was traveling.

Looking back on our lives, the paths are evident. Looking at others’ lives, the paths are evident. It is when we look ahead that we lose sight of the fact that in every arena of life, we are moving in a specific direction toward a specific destination.

Looking ahead we are often deceived into thinking that life is a series of unrelated decisions, and somehow we will end up where we want to be simply by force of will or luck. Or as I’ve heard so many people say, “It’ll work out somehow.” But if you can see a path in the rearview mirror that reflects where you’ve been and explains where you are, then there must be a path ahead of you as well. A path that, like all paths, has a specific and oftentimes predictable destination.

2009
04/16
CATEGORY
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Admitting the Truth

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” –John 8:32

This has to be one of the most quoted verses in the Bible. Most of the time it is used to encourage people to tell the truth about something. We love to throw verses at people don’t we? This is a great one to use when you want to guilt someone into telling you the truth. However, I believe that when you look at this passage of scripture you will find that it is much more than a one liner to use when it is convenient.

Jesus is talking to a group of Jewish followers and tells them that if they really are his disciples (followers), they will “hold to” or obey his teachings. Lesson #1: Don’t call yourself a follower of Jesus if you are not going to live by His words. Jesus was not looking to see how many people would “say” that they were his followers. He was looking for people who would do what he said even when they did not understand. Even when it cost them something.

Jesus said only after we choose to follow and obey his teachings would we even be able to know the truth and live in true freedom. The problem is that most of us don’t realize that we are living our lives based on lies. Lies that others have told us, lies that our culture has told us, and lies that we have told ourselves. We don’t understand that we are slaves to the lies that we have bought into. This is not a new problem… Even 2000 years ago when Jesus was talking to these Jewish followers they did not realize that they had bought into lies and those lies were causing them to live in spiritual slavery. Check out verse 33

31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” 33 They answered him, “We are Abraham’s descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?” –John 8:31-33

They are just like us. They didn’t even think they needed to be set free. The sad thing is they were slaves, physically and spiritually. Physically, they were under Roman rule and all throughout their history as a people they had frequently been been under the control of other nations. Spiritually, they had grown up in a religious system that taught them that if they were sick it was because of sin in their life or the lives of their parents. They grew up in a religious system that taught them that God was distant and impersonal. Jesus spent much of his time here on earth trying to correct people’s misconceptions about who God was and what He was like.

When I look at my own life and the people around me, I realize that we all need to open our eyes to the lies that are keeping us from living in the truth and freedom that Jesus was talking about. And the only way to do that is to study his Word, the Bible. Lesson #2: We all need to be set free

Here are some areas that I think we all need to look at and decide whether or not we are living in the truth:

How we handle relationships (Marriage, Children, Parents, Friends, Dating)

How we handle our money

How we spend our time

How we make decisions

2009
02/10
CATEGORY
Drama
GOD
Honesty
Life
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People Pleasing

BECOMING OBSESSED WITH WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT
YOU IS THE QUICKEST WAY TO FORGET WHAT GOD THINKS
ABOUT YOU.

Obviously, I’m not trying to be a people pleaser! No, I am trying to please
God. If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ’s servant. —
–Galatians 1:10 NLT

One of my biggest leadership faults is that I am a “People Pleaser”. I want everyone to like me. I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. I hate confrontation, and I don’t want to let anyone down.
However, I am realizing that everyone is not always going to like me and I can’t do everything that everyone wants me to do. I know that I cannot be a people pleaser and please my God. His opinion is the only one that matters. Read the Characteristics of a People Pleaser below. If you realize that you belong to the club, ask God to help you overcome the habit of being a people pleaser.

CHARACTERISTICS OF PEOPLE PLEASERS

• TAKE MOST CRITICISM PERSONALLY.
• FEEL AN EXTRAORDINARY FEAR OF REJECTION.
• FIND IT HARD TO EXPRESS THEIR TRUE FEELINGS.
• HAVE A HARD TIME SAYING “NO.”

2008
11/04
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UNITY: The Secret to healthy churches, families, businesses, and teams

I have often wondered what makes a successful/healthy church.  I believe that Jesus told us the answer to that question in John 17.  In his very last prayer before being arrested he first prayed for himself, second for his disciples, and then for everyone who would believe in Him through their message.  He did not pray “Father, please make sure churches pick the right worship style” or “Father, please make sure that every church has a big enough steeple and beautiful stained glass windows”.  He didn’t pray for us to have cool productions and dynamic preachers.  He simple prayed for UNITY.  Jesus knew that the success of his message hinged on unity.  I have also noticed that Unity is the secret to successful/healthy families, businesses, and teams as well.  Check out the scripture below and the 5 enemies to unity listed after it.

20“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.  –John 17:20-23

THE FIVE MAIN ENEMIES OF UNITY:

1. POOR COMMUNICATION

*Poor Communication occurs when everyone does their own thing without updating each other.

2. GOSSIP

*Gossip is when a negative is discussed with anyone who can’t help solve the problem. 

“Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” —Proverbs 26:20

*A successful church, family, team, or business makes sure that negatives are handed up to people that can address the issue and positives are handed down for everyone to celebrate.

3. UNRESOLVED DISAGREEMENT

*Unresolved disagreements happen when issues are avoided instead of being confronted.

*When you are aware there are hurt feelings and/or disagreements, act quickly and decisively.

*A little confrontation cleanses the wound and allows the parties to go forward in a spirit of unity.

4. LACK OF SHARED PURPOSE

*Lack of shared purpose is caused when a leader doesn’t remind everyone that we have the same goal.

“Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained” —Proverbs 29:18

5. UNADDRESSED INCOMPETENCE

*People will eventually become unmotivated when someone else can’t or won’t do their job and a leader will not take action.

(Note: Many of these ideas came from a talk I heard from Dave Ramsey)

2008
10/21
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Mapquest

I love www.mapquest.com . Whenever I am planning a trip all I have to do is go there and type in my beginning destination and my ending destination and it gives me detailed directions to where I want to go. Don’t you wish that you could “MapQuest” your life? To be able to just go to some website and type in where you are right now and where you want to be in 20, 40, or 60 years. Wouldn’t that be incredible? What if you could do that for your children’s lives? Most parents have some kind of mental picture of where and what they want their children to be one day. And most every teenager and adult has some kind of idea of where they want to end up relationally, financially, spiritually, etc… However, most of us fail to consider the necessary steps to get where we want to be. We dream big dreams, but we rarely are disciplined enough to plan out and follow the steps that are required to get where we want to go. We all want to have a great marriage, raise responsible children, be financially secure, and have a growing and maturing relationship with Jesus. My question to you is “What steps are you going to have to take to arrive at these destinations?”

2008
02/14
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Jesus
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