Posts Tagged ‘ Parents ’

Great Questions

One thing that I have learned over the past few years is that asking the right questions is a vital part of leadership.  Great leaders ask great questions.  If you want to be a great parent you need to learn to ask the right questions.  If you want to have a great marriage you must learn to ask the right questions.  If you want to be a great business leader you must learn to ask the right questions.  If you want to handle money wisely you must learn to ask the right questions.

I am convinced that in so many areas of our lives we are simply asking the wrong questions.  And common sense tells us that if we are asking the wrong questions, there is no way that we will ever arrive at the right answers.

With that being said, I would like to share with you what I believe are a few great questions.

1.) Where is this heading? We make the mistake of judging the health of a relationship by where it is right now.  But the truth is, you never judge the health of a relationship by where it is now, but rather by the direction it is heading.  All relationships are heading somewhere.  Your marriage is heading somewhere.  Your relationship with your teenager is heading somewhere.  Your relationship with God is heading somewhere.  This not only applies to relationships.  It also applies to your finances.  What direction are your finances heading.  The bible says, “the prudent (wise) see danger and take refuge, but the simple (unwise) keep going and suffer for it”. That means that we should look ahead and act before all of your options become bad options.

2.) What’s in my heart? From an early age we are taught to monitor our behavior.  Remember your mom saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”.  It is all about behavior modification.  Jesus, on the other hand, said to “guard your heart”.  Jesus said, “out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks”. What is in our heart is affecting all of our relationships and all of our decisions. If we simply go through life trying to filter what we say and do, we will never deal with the root of our problem.  It’s like cutting off a weed at ground level.  It is a temporary solution.  You must kill the root of the weed or it will just keep growing back.  In the same way, we must deal with our heart and not simply our behavior.  What’s in your heart today? Greed, Anger, Lust, Jealousy, Worry, etc…

3.) Am I part of the problem or part of the solution? We like to blame other people.  It is always someone else’s fault.  The thought rarely crosses our mind that “we might be apart of the problem”. Last year we saw a perfect example of this played out at Charles Henderson High School.  It was the first year that students were required to wear uniforms.  And needless to say there was a lot of drama the first few days of the school year.  There were several parents that showed up ranting and raving about their child being sent home or being sent to the office for not obeying the new dress code.  These same parents wonder why their child has problems obeying them.  Could it be that these same parents have unknowingly taught their children to rebel against authority because they themselves rebel against authority?  Could they be part of the problem?  Could you be partly to blame for the problems that you are currently complaining about?

“TWISTED” AUTHORITY

twisted_logo_thumb-1When I was growing up, one of the things that I hated the most was people telling me what to do. It seemed like everyone in my life thought it was there job to boss me around. Cut the grass, Clean your room, Do your homework… There was my mom and dad, my teachers, my coaches…

My grandparents were the only ones that seemed to want to let me do what I want to do… Me and my brothers would often go and stay with my Granny Davis after school. She would let us watch TV, play Nintendo, and she would practically force us to drink homemade chocolate milk, which had an extremely unhealthy amount of sugar in it, and eat fudge rounds, swiss cake rolls, and twix candy bars. Anytime that my Granny Davis told us to do something it was usually fun. Before I tell this story you have to understand that Granny Davis had been scratched by a rabid cat and had developed a hatred for animals… ALL ANIMALS… We would be sitting watching TV and she would run into the room and say “boys, come here, hurry. There’s a dog in the yard.” And she would give us little BB guns and she would slowly crack the screen door that opened to the back yard and tell us to shoot the dog. Not to kill it… Just to run it off. I know that seems cruel and I would never do that now, but at the time I found it strangely satisfying. And I realize that probably means that I could use some kind of therapy… But anyway back to what I was saying…

At times it seemed like everyone around me was controlling my life. I could not wait until I could be out on my own… Out from under all the rules… Making my own choices… Living my own life…

I’m sure that everyone reading this has felt that way at times. We get tired of all the rules and all the people telling us what we can and can’t do. The bottom line is that we don’t like having people in authority over us. What I mean by people in authority, are people who hold power or control over us. People who have a position in our life that allows them to make and enforce the rules. People like Parents, Grandparents, Bosses, Teachers, Police Officers, Coaches, etc… We don’t like Authority… UNLESS we are the ones in authority. We love authority when we are the ones in authority. We like being in charge, We like making the decisions, We like making the rules, and we like telling others what to do. We also love authority when the authority supports us. When something happens at school and the teacher or principal says we’re right and the other person is wrong… We love authority then. When we get in a wreck and the State Trooper says that it was the other person’s fault and their insurance has to pay for your car. In moments like that we love authority and are thankful for authority. But when the authority says we are wrong we want to rebel.

So apparently there are times that we like having authority in our lives and times that we absolutely despise having authority in our lives. But the bigger question is what is the proper response to Authority. Why do we have Authority. And are there times when it is appropriate to disobey Authority. Let’s take a few minutes to look at what the Bible has to say about authority.

1 Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. 4 For he is God’s servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God’s servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. –Romans 13:1-5

You see, the bottom line is that God works through authority. He always has and he always will. Most everything around us works on the basis of chain of authority. When God made the world, he put man in authority over the animals. When God created the family unit, he put the man in authority over the family. In the church God intends for their to be a chain of authority. In the military, there is a chain of authority. In government, there is a chain of authority. In the animal kingdom there is a food chain. Even Jesus said that He was under His Father’s authority. Everything that God has ever created is intended to operate through a chain of authority. When that chain of authority is broken chaos breaks out. The simple fact is that God works through authority.

The TWIST that the devil has used when it comes to Authority is this. He convinces us to look at the WHAT instead of the WHO. He tricks us into thinking that we can evaluate whether or not we agree with WHAT we are being asked to do without any regard to WHO is asking us to do it. He deceives us into thinking that we should evaluate the RULE without considering WHO the RULE GIVER is. When we fall for the TWIST we begin to think: If I Disagree with a Rule, I will Disobey the Rule, Regardless of WHO the RULEGIVER is. So when our parents tell us to be home by 10:30 we evaluate whether or not we like the RULE. We think it is ok to decide if WE think the RULE is FAIR. If not we feel justifies in breaking the rule. We fall for the TWIST.

GOD SAYS: It’s not about WHAT, It’s about WHO. It’s not about whether or not we like the RULE. It’s about whether or not we are going to choose to obey the RULEGIVER.

I know what some of you are thinking. Your thinking in your head, so you mean that I have to obey every authority no matter what. But what if they tell me to do something that illegal or immoral? Then can’t I disobey that authority?

To that I would ask this question: “How often has someone in authority over you asked you to do something illegal or immoral?” For most of us the answer is NEVER.

But if that does happen, the first step is for you to directly tell them that you cannot do what they asked. And tell them why. If they still insist that you do it, you simply go to another authority. You appeal to the next authority over them. If the authorities over them insist you obey and what they are asking you to do is illegal or immoral, you must respectfully refuse and be willing to suffer the consequences.

For example, if a teacher at school tells you have to give a presentation on why you don’t believe in God. You should first go to the teacher in private and respectfully explain to her that you cannot do a presentation on why you don’t believe in God because you do have a relationship with Him. And offer an alternative subject. If she still refuses, then go to the principal who is in authority over the teacher. If the principal says you have to do the presentation, you can go to the superintendent. After appealing to every possible authority, they still say you have to do the presentation, you must be willing to suffer the consequences of not obeying. But most of the time the problem can be solved by simply appealing to a higher authority.

Now that we have dealt with that excuse, I want to share with you two reasons why you should stay under your earthly authorities.

1. If we train ourselves to evaluate the WHAT and not WHO when it comes to our earthly authorities we will do the same with God. If we take each individual RULE and decide if we agree with it instead of looking at WHO MADE THE RULE, we will do that with the Bible. You will begin to pick and choose what parts of the Bible you agree with and what parts you don’t agree with. That is exactly what Satan did in the Garden of Eden. He twisted the truth. He convinced Adam and Eve to look at the WHAT and not the WHO. He convinced them to look at the RULE and not the RULE GIVER.

2. God says, you cannot be out from under your human authorities and be under God’s authority. Once you choose to step out from under your earthly authorities, you also are choosing to step out from under God’s authority. Once you choose to step out from under the guidance and protection of your earthly authorities, you are choosing to step out from under the guidance and protection of your heavenly father. And that is a dangerous place to be. You can blame God all you want to for the consequences that you have to deal with when you step out from under your earthly authorities, but remember, you made the choice.

Don’t you want God to direct your life? Then you’ve got to stay under authority. Don’t you want to end up with the least amount of regrets possible. Then you’ve got to stay under authority. I can almost guarantee you that if you look back at your biggest regret in life. That night that still haunts you. That conversation that you wish had never taken place. That choice that you wish you had never made. If you were honest about it, you were probably disobeying some authority in your life when your biggest regret took place. And I can pretty much guarantee you that you weren’t obeying someone in authority over you when you made that big mistake. You definitely weren’t obeying God.

And just using a little common sense, don’t you think that if you would learn to trust that God works through authority you could avoid future regrets. I promise you that if you live by the principles and advice given in the Bible, you would have a much better life from here on out… In fact, I dare you to prove me wrong on that.

You see the devil has TWISTED the way that we see the Bible. We think that is a book of RULES intended to keep us “Under Control”. We think somehow God is trying to keep us from having any fun… That Is the TWIST. You see, in reality the Bible was intended to show us how to live life to the fullest. It is how the CREATOR OF LIFE shows us how to really LIVE LIFE. And one of the ways that the Bible says to live life is to live under authority.

Communication is a Heart Problem

33 “Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. 34 You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the OVERFLOW of the HEART the mouth speaks. 35 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. –Matthew 12:33-35

My parents always told me that “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. Most parents try their best to monitor what comes out of their children’s mouth. Some parents choose to wash their children’s mouths out with soap if they say something bad. Others will put their child in time out. Most parents attempt to monitor and modify their child’s behavior. We want them to “BEHAVE”. We want people to think that we have “well behaved” kids.

Since we ourselves were brought up to monitor our “Behavior”, we continue into adulthood with this same mindset. We try to say the right things. We try to act to right way. But try as we may, sometimes we slip up. Have you ever said something and almost immediately thought to yourself: “Did I just say that out loud?” Do you ever find yourself apologizing to people and saying “I didn’t really mean what I said”? We try to pretend like some outside force momentarily took control of our vocal cords.

The problem is that we are not dealing with the root problem. THE HEART. Jesus says in Matthew 12:34 that “out of the overflow of the HEART the mouth speaks”. We can try to monitor our behavior. We can try to watch what we say. But when the pressure is on, what is in our HEART will come out in our words. So what is in your heart? Jealousy, Anger, Pride, Guilt, Un-forgiveness, Hurt? Whatever it is, you must deal with it before it overflows into your words and actions.